It's a cracker - best and worst Christmas jokes

6 Dec 2011

WHETHER they make you roar with laughter or groan we all love a Christmas cracker joke and now Tesco can reveal Britain’s most and least favourite.

WHETHER they make you roar with laughter or groan we all love a Christmas cracker joke and now Tesco can reveal Britain’s most and least favourite.

The most disliked are the hardy annuals which have been in crackers for so long we can remember them from childhood Christmases. The ones that tend to make us laugh rather than groan are more recent quips.

Tesco seasonal goods buyer Samantha Bryant said: “Noone can resist telling a joke at Christmas and while some people groan jokes are a key part of the enjoyment of Christmas dinner. Tesco is selling a wider range of crackers than ever this Christmas with plenty of affordable choices for those on a budget.”

Ten most groan-tastic Christmas jokes:

1. What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep? – a woolly jumper
2. What’s black and white and read all over? – a newspaper
3. What wobbles and flies? – a jellycopter
4. What do snails paint their shells with? - snail varnish
5. What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts? – Annette
6. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party? - he had nobody to go with
7. What goes ha ha plop? – a man laughing his head off
8. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? – cliff
9. Where does the dress-maker live? – on the outskirts
10. Why was Santa’s little helper unhappy? – he had low elf-esteem

The ten Christmas cracker jokes which make us laugh are:

1. Why has Santa got three gardens? – because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe
2. What do you call a penguin that’s lost its pen? – guin
3. What happened when the hyena swallowed a stock cube? – he made a laughing stock of himself
4. Who was Britain’s first chiropodist? – William the corn curer
5. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – a stick
6. What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner
7. Why did the orange juice lose his factory job? – he couldn’t concentrate
8. Who is Frosty the Snowman’s favourite relative? Aunt Arctica
9. How does King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even
10. What do you call a man with a pole through his legs? – Rodney

Tesco is selling a wide range of crackers from £0.99 for mini crackers to decorate a Christmas tree to two luxury crackers for £12.99.